What We Need Is Provided

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Several years ago my husband and I went to Cyprus. It was an amazing trip, full of discoveries and surprises. One of those surprises was no washcloths in the hotel bathroom. Towels, yes. Washcloths, no.

The first day we walked along the sea, with shops and restaurants and street vendors, one of whom was selling sponges harvested from the Mediterranean. Of course, I bought one to serve as a washcloth! Ever since, that sponge has rested on the corner of my bathtub. I haven't used it since Cyprus. (I have washcloths.)

Last week, noticing how dry the sponge was, I threw it away with the realization that I what I need continues to be provided. I just don't need a sponge any more.

You write it: Are you clinging to some solution that worked in the past but is no longer needed? 

Helpers Come

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I used to believe that I had to do everything all by myself, making life more stressful than it truly is. I could not accept aid or comfort. 

Along the way, I changed. I came to realize that I just couldn't go it alone any more, and I started accepting help. I changed a lifelong pattern.

Last week our precious dog Teddy had surgery for a torn ACL, and when I saw his condition after surgery, I was heartbroken and anxious. In the night, as I held him close to comfort him, he lifted his paw for me to rub his tummy--the first sign that the Teddy I love was still there. I started to breathe.

Early the next morning, texts of encouragement started to ping my phone, the first one from a friend who didn't even know what I was going through.

When we decide to change, the field of our existence shifts. Helpers come.

You write it:  When have helpers come for you? What help would you like right now?

What Counts?

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I no longer earn a salary and define my worth through professional accomplishments. So what counts? 

Lately I've felt as though I'm just aimlessly drifting. Then I had a conversation with my dear cousin. I asked, "What do you do with your time?" She said, "Oh, I'm so busy! I walk 5 miles a day. I take care of my home, and there's always lots to do. Yesterday I planted flowers in the front bed."

To myself I thought, "That counts?!" Then I realized, "Yes. That counts."

If I'm kind and affirming to my husband, that counts. If I clean the outdoor grill, that counts. If I have a heart-to-heart talk with a friend, that counts. If I text my children to have a good day, that counts. Starting today, I will count living well as worthy, fulfilling accomplishment.

You write it:  How do you define your worth?

The Energy of Things

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I look around my bedroom as I awaken to see my photograph of light coming through a Hawaiian rainforest. As my eyes pan the room, there's an exquisite Asian beaded wall hanging, a gift from a grateful friend. Two small angels, gifts from friends, look down from a high shelf. Just looking at these treasures evokes love, pleasure, and adventure. As I awaken, my spirit lifts.

I hear a lot these days about our relationship with things. I choose to be selectively surrounded with what brings out the best in me.

You write it:  What surrounds you? Does it bring out the best in you?

Love, Simplified

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"Love is patient. Love is kind. Love keeps no record of wrongs." 1 Corinthians 13.

"Someday, after we have mastered the winds, the waves, the tides, and gravity, mankind shall harness for God the energies of love. Then, for the second time in the history of the world, we will have discovered fire." Teilhard de Chardin

You write it: When have you loved? When have you felt most loved?

Speak Your Truth Quietly and Clearly

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In my mother's home hung a framed quotation by Max Ehrmann--a 1927 poem called "Desiderata." Recently I was reminded of a portion that goes like this: "Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story."

What reminded me of this quotation was a friend in my book club. In our last meeting, we discussed a book that several women in the group did not like, and they were harsh in their criticism. My friend sat quietly, listening to their comments. Then she said, "I had a different experience from many of you. Here's what I liked and appreciated about this book." She explained without arguing. She didn't try to convince anyone or justify her position. She spoke her truth clearly, simply and quietly and then went silent.

Powerful.

You write it:  What do you do when you are in the presence of people who are strongly expressing opinions you disagree with?

Reminders from a Jigsaw Puzzle

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A friend lent me a wooden jigsaw puzzle--the first one I had ever seen. It is an elegant creation with beautiful, interesting pieces of unusual shapes. Challenging and fun, working it reminded me of several important truths:

  • I find what I'm looking for when I'm looking for something else.
  • I do best when I relax and let the puzzle work itself.
  • A good light helps me see subtle differences. Not everything belongs where I think it does.
  • Telling myself what I should be able to do doesn't help.
  • Work on small bits until it's clear how they fit the bigger picture.
  • Just as I become convinced there are missing pieces, it all falls into place.
  • I must be oh, so gentle.

The Gift of Forgiveness

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A week ago I cut my finger while slicing some dates for fruitcake. It was a minor cut, but my finger bled so much that I went to Urgent Care to stop the bleeding. Today I have only a small abrasion to show for the mishap. The swelling and bandages are gone. So it is with physical wounds. They heal quickly.

Emotional wounds are different. They often throb for years because they are not treated. Instead of crying the tears and seeking help to forgive, we pretend we're not hurt, until the next time, when we pile another wound on top of the last one. Then we wonder why we aren't happier.

For Christmas this year, give yourself the gift of cleansing. Start writing. Put onto paper everything you haven't forgiven. Then let it go. Forgiveness is a gift for you.

You write it: Who do you now forgive?

Feel the Feelings

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A topic of conversation recently was being present--not numbing ourselves with drink or other distraction, but simply being present, feeling our feelings, even the unpleasant ones.

A learned man once taught me that when we tell ourselves, "I don't want to feel sad," (or mad or whatever) our brains hear, "I don't want to feel," and it shuts down all feelings. So we don't feel sad, but we also lose happiness and the other good feelings we want.

Thus, many people live from task to task, shutting out feeling, even at this time of year. 

For just a moment today, stop to feel your feelings. Give yourself permission to cry or stomp your feet or shake your fist. Then make a list of what you're grateful for. Do it every day for 40 days.

You write it:  What are you grateful for?

The Energy of Gifts

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Not everyone has my sensitivity, but to me the spirit in which a gift is given is more important than the gift itself. I want my gifts to say, "I honor you and hereby express my love for you."

Some of my greatest disappointments have come when I've given a gift in this spirit with no acknowledgement from the receiver. I learned it isn't good for me to put my heart and soul into a gift and then be ignored. So, with these recipients, I did something different.

I found charities whose missions fit the interest of my recipients and made a donation in their honor. The charities unfailingly acknowledge my gift, and my heart is satisfied that I gave something that honors and expresses my love. I send my loved ones a note so they know. Then I let it go.

Gift-giving can be stressful. What I most want is peace of mind. A perfect gift gives both ways, to the giver and the receiver.

You write it:  Is there any adjustment you would like to make in gift-giving? What is it?