Decision

On the very day that my husband celebrated his 16th year of sobriety in AA, we took communion at church. If the liquid in the tiny little cup is red, it's wine. If it's clear, it's grape juice. Of course, my husband and I always choose the clear liquid.

But on this Sunday, I saw when the server came to me, that there was only one cup of grape juice left, and my husband had yet to be served. I hesitated. Then I said to myself, "Well, I haven't had alcohol in 16 years, either. Let him figure it out for himself."

He did. He leaned forward and said, "I need grape juice." Quickly, he was served what he needed.

What I've learned in this 16-year journey of recovery with him is that, when I take care of myself, things work out well for everyone. I've learned that this is not selfishness but self care, a contagious act of self respect. I've also learned that sometimes when we "over-help" others, we send a message that we don't believe they can do it for themselves.

I know my husband can. He does. Life is good and all is well.

You write it:  Is there anyone you are "over-helping"? What might you do differently?