Emeralds and Diamonds

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A couple of years before he died, right before Christmas, my husband said, “I would like to buy you a pair of emerald and diamond earrings.” He loved that combination of stones, and he described the type of earring he was thinking of.

“Oh,” I said. “They would be sooo expensive!”

He dropped the subject. So did I. It never came up again. I can’t tell you how many times I have remembered and regretted my response! Instead of acknowledging his love and generosity, I hit him where he was vulnerable—money.

It’s never too late to set things straight—even when a loved one is no longer living here on earth. So, a couple of months ago, I placed an order with my favorite jeweler, Franzetti, in Austin. I’ve made two payments on a pair of very expensive emerald and diamond earrings, and I’ll pay them off in full tomorrow, just in time for Christmas.

These earrings remind me of the kind, thoughtful, loving, and generous man I loved. And still do.

You write it: Do you have any regrets you are ready to let go?

Two Questions

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Now that I have cleared my life of everything that takes more energy than it gives, I want to maintain this clear focus. That means I must pay attention. Two questions are guiding me:

  • Is the energy depletion within this other entity, and there’s either nothing I can do about it, or it would take more than I’m willing to give?

  • Is the energy depletion coming from my own perspective, which I am willing to change by shifting to love?

For the next week, let’s just sit with these questions as we notice the energy flow of our lives.

Untethered

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“Rest,” she said. “Spend 15 minutes every day sitting in the sunshine.”

My mind says, “But what will I DO?” Then it starts envisioning projects—setting goals—imagining who I might recruit to help. But this time in my life is for healing—renewal—rest.

I surrender.

I feel the gentle breeze on my face. I see the beauty of the wooded hills. I truly listen to the birds.

Deeply, I know that all is well.

Incrementally, I heal.

Listen

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A recent illness left me breathless. Speaking has been difficult. So as a friend drove me to a doctor’s appointment in Flagstaff, I said, “You talk. I’ll listen.”

I listened actively, silently engaged. Once or twice I wanted to ask clarifying questions, but I refrained. I just listened and experienced the joy of simply hearing my friend out. I want to do more of that.

You write it: Is there anything about your listening that you’d like to change?

Let Go and Let God

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I haven’t blogged in awhile because I’ve been ill. This morning I put on my simple gold spiral bracelet with the words, “Let go and let God.” I started this practice many years ago when my life had spun out of control, and I needed a Higher Power to take over. It was a reminder to myself to turn my life and my will over to the care of God.

Today, what I am turning over is my healing process, which is going very slowly and incrementally. What are you ready to turn over to the care of God and let go of?

The Days When Birds Come Back

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These are the days when Birds come back--

A very few--a Bird or two--

To take a backward look.


These are the days when skies resume

The old--old sophistries of June--

A blue and gold mistake.


Oh fraud that cannot cheat the Bee--

Almost thy plausibility

Induces my belief.


Till ranks of seeds their witness bear--

And softly thro' the altered air

Hurries a timid leaf.


Oh Sacrament of summer days,

Oh Last Communion in the Haze--

Permit a child to join.


Thy sacred emblems to partake--

Thy consecrated bread to take

And thine immortal wine!


—Emily Dickinson, c. 1859

First Responses

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A Love Story: The Transformative Power of the Twelve Steps hasn’t officially launched yet, but four people who bought it on Amazon have told me they read the book in one sitting.

Here’s what Gale Hendricks from Austin said, “I couldn’t put it down. I even took it outside with me while I took our two dogs out to potty! I used a few Kleenex to be able to read through the tears. It is so moving and emotional (especially the journaling). Congratulations on a winner.”

If you live in Sedona, the official launch is Friday, September 29, at 2:00 at Village Yoga.

I’m grateful to have written a book that touches people’s hearts.

You write or draw it: What are you grateful for?

Coconut Pound Cake

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Almost a year ago, I promised to make a coconut pound cake for a friend’s birthday. Instead, I stood by my husband’s side in a hospital room, holding his hand as he left this world.

Almost a year ago.

Yesterday I baked a coconut pound cake for an event in my home later this week. It feels like coming full circle.

In the last year, family and friends have poured love into me. Grace has been my guide as I slowly and reluctantly mourned.

Within the last six months I wrote a book about my cherished relationship with Harlan. It’s now available here: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Story-Transformative-Power-Twelve/dp/B0CFWSCM3T and on the Barnes and Noble website.

May you have peace.

The Power of Truth

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“Truth sets us free” is one of my favorite sayings. And when we speak the truth in love to each other, breakthroughs can happen. This happened to me a few days ago.

Over the last few months I have written a book entitled A Love Story: The Transformative Power of the Twelve Steps. But I hit a wall with it. I won’t bore you with the details; I’ll just say it was a mighty struggle that involved, among other things, buying new software and accepting my daughter’s gift of her just-discarded laptop. Even then, there was one more blockade to overcome.

My breakthrough came when I shared my struggles with an intention friend. She said, “Nancy, I think you haven’t let Harlan go. Maybe it’s time to imagine he’s sitting in a chair across from you and tell him he can go now.” Well, that’s not exactly what I did; I didn’t want to send him away. But I did say to his spirit, “I want you to be where you want to be.” Those words set me free.

You write it: When have you experienced breakthrough after struggle? What set you free?

Stress

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I know that stress comes from within—from my reaction to external forces. I’ve just been through a very stressful week related to finishing my latest book. My whole body was tense. It wasn’t the book that was doing that to me; I was doing it to myself, and I couldn’t stop until I moved the book to the next phase.

What was driving my stress was intense mental energy needed to learn new software and a new process for doing what other people used to do for me. So maybe a little resentment was thrown in there, as well.

At any rate, I reached the next plateau, and today my body is relaxed. I just finished meditating, and all is well. Peace is restored.

You write it: What do you do when you find yourself in the control of stress?

Go in Peace

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Last week I drove from Sedona to Santa Fe to see Austin musician Sam Baker in concert and to attend the opening of his art display at Worrell Gallery.

Sam’s music opens hearts. His back story is that on his way to Machu Pichu by train, many years ago, a bomb went off in the luggage rack over his head, killing the couple from Germany across from him and their son, sitting beside him. Sam’s wounds, though not mortal, were incredibly serious. It took him years to regain the use of his hands, and he had to learn to play the guitar with his non-dominant hand.

But Sam, in his heart of hearts, is a poet and philosopher. Bitterness has no place with him. Google him. Listen to his music. Prepare to open your heart a little wider. Here are the lyrics to my favorite Sam Baker song:

Go in peace. Go in kindness. Go in love. Go in faith. Leave the day, the day behind us. Day is done. Go in grace. Let us go into the dark not afraid, not alone. Let us hope, by some good pleasure, safely to arrive at home.

Just Stop

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Last week I pushed myself, determined to complete the publication of my next book. After I strained and suffered, I finally gave up, asked for help, and waited. Instead of sitting tensely at the computer, I put on piano music and sat down to work a puzzle. I went to the terrace to relax. I let go. I totally let go.

That was last Thursday.

This morning two miracles related to the publication of that book occurred. It’s still not published, but I see a pathway now, and it’s going to be so much better than what I envisioned.

This is the power of letting go.

You write or draw it: What is your experience with letting go?

Hit "Send"

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I just hit “send” for my latest manuscript to go to an agent for review. A Love Story: The Transformative Power of the Twelve Steps is the title—an account of the journey Harlan and I walked together for the 26 years of our marriage. It weaves together strands of generational addiction and ultimate healing.

I had to write this book—maybe just for me. But it was the most challenging and fulfilling journey of my life, and my heart needed it.

You write it: When have you felt compelled to do something? What was it?