Decision

On the very day that my husband celebrated his 16th year of sobriety in AA, we took communion at church. If the liquid in the tiny little cup is red, it's wine. If it's clear, it's grape juice. Of course, my husband and I always choose the clear liquid.

But on this Sunday, I saw when the server came to me, that there was only one cup of grape juice left, and my husband had yet to be served. I hesitated. Then I said to myself, "Well, I haven't had alcohol in 16 years, either. Let him figure it out for himself."

He did. He leaned forward and said, "I need grape juice." Quickly, he was served what he needed.

What I've learned in this 16-year journey of recovery with him is that, when I take care of myself, things work out well for everyone. I've learned that this is not selfishness but self care, a contagious act of self respect. I've also learned that sometimes when we "over-help" others, we send a message that we don't believe they can do it for themselves.

I know my husband can. He does. Life is good and all is well.

You write it:  Is there anyone you are "over-helping"? What might you do differently?

Turbulence

"We are not saints" is a profound statement from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Indeed, none of us are. As hard as we might try to do the right thing or to feel calm and centered, occasionally something happens that disturbs our peace.

Recently, it happened to me. First, I felt confused. Then I was angry, with a little hurt mixed in. Then, briefly, the air cleared and I thought the issue was resolved. But no. Wham! Another hit.

I felt like a passenger on the flight I read about recently that experienced turbulence on its course from Houston to London. A pilot can't see air streams colliding. They are invisible and thus unavoidable. But, oh my, what fear and injury they are capable of inflicting on passengers and crew when the airplane gets caught in that agitation!

We know what to do if we get caught in turbulence while flying. Keep our seat belts fastened. But what do we do if the turbulence is emotional?

Very much like an airplane pilot, I got out of the turbulence as quickly as was feasible, with a goal of the least injury possible. The most difficult part of the process for me was moving away from my own anger and blame, replacing it with acceptance. Acceptance is a neutral emotion--a much kinder place to be. A seat belt, if you will.

You write it:  Have you experienced any turbulence lately? What did you do?

Forgiveness

Something happened recently that created the need for me to practice forgiveness. I felt myself feeling like a victim, and I wanted to react like a victim--bitterly and vindictively. But experience has taught me a better way.

I went to my files and pulled out a sheet on forgiveness that for years has floated me through difficult times. Here are some excerpts:

• Forgiveness is not the approval of the wrongdoing. It is reclaiming my freedom of choice. I choose not to be stuck to another person's actions.
• Forgiveness is a statement that says, "You have no more power over me."
• I have the courage to let go, turn the page, and start over.
• I don't hate you. I don't fear you. I am free.

May these words be as healing for you as they are for me.

Sometimes a moment comes
When all my yesterdays
Line up in perfect formation
And I understand.
ou write it; Is anything in your life niggling at you, unresolved and maybe even resented? Write it down and put it in a "God box" until the day it is ready to take its place in the fabric of your life, and you see it clearly for what it is.

Do It Now, or It Doesn’t Matter

In my perfectionistic mind,
Energy sticks, trapped,
When I look out and see imperfection.

To restore my sanity,
I have adopted a new mantra:
Do it now, or it doesn’t matter.

You write it:  How do you notice energy getting stuck in your mind? What new mantra might release it?

Surfing My Calendar

I just forwarded through my calendar to the end of the year, noting the recurring events and the special ones, as well. Travel. Visits. Appointments.

What doesn't appear on my calendar is the most important aspect of my life--the love I have for my husband as he heads for the golf course--the compassion I feel for a young woman who expresses her anguish to me.

May God surf me through these days, whatever events they bring, with love and compassion.

You write it: Thumb forward through your calendar. What energy is surfing you through it?

A Way Out of Difficulty

Years ago my marriage was in difficulty. I was advised to pray "God, be with him" for my husband. I did it over and over, numerous times a day, every time I thought of him. Within a very short time, harmony was restored.

When I encounter difficult people today, I pray that same prayer. Sometimes I say it as "Surround and infuse her with love."

The laws of spirituality, neuroscience, and physics align in the power of this prayer.

You write it:  When you have difficulty with someone, what do you do?

When a Tempest Arises

Eventually we sailed into a quiet harbor, ate a nourishing breakfast, and then jettied into a quaint little town. It was a beautiful, clear Sunday, and people were wading on the beach or having coffee outdoors or, like us, simply walking.

Beyond the harbor, the ocean still chopped and churned its mighty waves. But we were safe, serene, relaxed, and happy.

You write it:  When a tempest arises, what do you do?

Relief from Burden

Every morning begins with journaling for me, followed by meditation. Always, I begin by writing what I'm grateful for. Usually I write about a page, unburdening myself with thoughts and feelings that get in the way of my peace.

This morning, after I wrote what I'm grateful for, I wrote only one sentence:  "Relieve me from the burden of wanting other people to be different."

You write it: What one wish would unburden you?

Hospitality Revised

I just said goodbye to my cousin and her friends, who are now my friends, and I'm a bit sad but mostly grateful. Grateful that she came and grateful that my view of hospitality has changed.

When I was young, I believed hospitality was making everything perfect. I even kept guests waiting at the front door once while I straightened a bed! I was misguided and, by the time my guests left, exhausted. I'm sure they felt my depleted energy. No wonder we didn't have much company!

Today I simply want my guests to relax and have a good time. That means cooking simple recipes in advance, ready to warm. It means getting out and enjoying the area with them. It means being relaxed myself.

Our home is simple, peaceful, and easy. That's how I want guests to feel. If something is imperfect, I don't care.

You write it: When do you feel most welcome? How do you do hospitality?