How Do You Wish You Had Been Loved as a Kid?

Here’s a good question for you on Valentine’s Day, from Brittany Long Olsen for the Washington Post: “How do you wish you had been loved as a kid?” As a way of healing childhood wounds, Olsen suggests having this conversation with a partner so that each may help the other heal.

I would go a step beyond and suggest that, once the question has been answered, you make a commitment to give that love to yourself and others—not depend on someone else to do it for you.

My answer is that I wish my accomplishments had been acknowledged rather than diminished.

You write it: What is your answer to the question?

Be Gentle with Yourself

“With all the spiritual and recovery work I have done, I should be able to glide right through this.” These are the words that have been subconsciously with me as I am transitioning into life without my sister. But grief lives in the emotional system and cannot be ignored. Recently it simply “caught up with me.” After a day of misery, I realized I was being harsh with myself, taking a “get over it” stance with my inner being.

My mother had a poem hanging on the wall of her home entitled “Desiderata.” A portion of it says: “Be gentle with yourself.” Those words came to mind as I realized the different way I needed to talk to myself. Today my words are gentle.

You write it: In what way do you need to be more gentle with yourself?

Finding Serenity with Money

Running out of money is a major fear for many. The topic of my last conversation with Mother was focused on her fear of running out of money, which she never did but always focused on. Just the other day I heard the same fear expressed from a recent retiree who has done an excellent job of managing money.

I advise people plagued by money fear to face it. Write the story of what you would do if you actually did run out of money. Explore your options. Then make a decision, one day at a time, about what you will do with your money.

Years ago, my husband and I confronted this issue together. In the audio entitled “Reconciliation,” listen to the solution we found. http://nancyoelklaus.com/audio-tools

You write or draw it: How have you made peace with money?

Heart Meditation

The spiritual path isn’t straight, I’ve learned. But I was surprised recently by my response to my sister’s death. I felt as if I didn’t even have a spiritual path. Knowing full well that this life is not the end, still I grieved. I began to wonder if I would ever find my way back to the peace I had known before.

Then I realized I needed meditation. I went back to the beginning, when I found the kind power in my heart through the heart meditation. I began to get better. Here it is, in case you’d like to try it: http://nancyoelklaus.com/audio-tools

This morning I read a post by my friend, author and psychologist Jan Ford Mustin, about the power of love. So today I plan to spend more time in my heart.

You write or draw it: What do you do when you find yourself wandering?

Peace

A moment of perfect peace: Early morning. My husband still sleeping beside me. Our new puppy asleep on my lap. Red morning sun rising on the eastern horizon. Silence.

Safety—comfort—love—warmth—all aligned.

A moment of perfect peace.

You write or draw it: When have you had a moment of perfect peace?

Grief

A few days ago my younger sister died, and I’m observing my emotions as I navigate this new grief. First, disbelief. Even though I knew she would—wanted to—die, I just couldn’t believe it. I bounced from gratitude for our relationship to anger that her life ended too soon. When tears came, I let them.

Yesterday I awakened with the Beatles’ song “Let It Be” running through my head. Comfort came, bringing a new energy. I threw that energy into cooking. I made my husband’s favorite chicken dish. My mother’s apple celery salad. Lemon pound cake, an old family recipe from a friend.

I do not know what today will bring. I am sad. I let it be.

You write it: How do you express grief?

Prayer

Sometimes something happens and I think, “I want to remember to thank God for that.” Then I realize God already knows. God is always right here, right now. Many years ago I memorized this quotation. I don’t remember the source. “Prayer is the soul’s sincerest desire, uttered or unexpressed.” Constant contact with God is what I strive for.

You write or draw it: What is prayer to you?

Cleaning the Contacts List

While addressing Christmas cards, I realized how much my contacts list needed to be weeded, and I started deleting. What a fabulous experience! As I deleted contact information for people I had worked with or done projects with or networked with, I had a strong sense of gratitude for all of it. I saw threads of the pathway I walked through Austin, Texas, and in my early days in Sedona. I saw names of people I’d really like to re-connect with. Those I kept. If I had no remembrance of a name, I deleted it.

Clearing, I guess you would call it. More accurately, cleansing.

You write or draw it: Have you done any clearing/cleansing lately?

Joy in the Midst of Sadness

Each day a bit more of my sister’s life ebbs away as she moves toward her last day. This profound reality is very much with me through this season. No one is coming to see us. Our home is quiet, and our needs are simple: good food, rest, love of family. I am feeling quietly grateful for my sister’s generous life.

Neither my husband nor I can think of a gift we really want. Except a puppy.

A few days after Christmas, we will drive to Missouri to pick up the new addition to our family. His name is Colt, a brand new Bichon Frise. New energy will come into our home. New life. New love. Joy in the midst of sadness.

I don’t know what form it will take for you, but may this season bring you joy.

Equanimity

Equanimity is “mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.” Remember Rudyard Kipling’s lines, “If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you”? That’s equanimity.

To achieve equanimity requires practice in mindfulness and meditation. I’m working my way to two 20-minute meditations a day.

Equanimity is the antidote to today’s fractious environment. It’s the pathway to overcoming hatred with love. This season, join me in strengthening love.

An Image of Forgiveness

This morning I woke up with a clear image of forgiveness as a rubber raft that glides through treacherous rocks without harm. If you’ve ever rafted a river with rapids, you’ll know what I mean. The rubber rafts simply bend as they let the rushing water carry them through. I understand that even much harder canoes can be guided skillfully through the rocks and come out on the other side, unharmed.

Forgiveness. Coming out on the other side, unharmed.

You write or draw it: What is an image of forgiveness for you?

Leaving Large

I’m dedicating my blog today to Michelle Petties’ book, Leaving Large, which will be released on November 30 from 2:00-4:00 on Amazon. I recommend you buy a copy because this book is filled with heartfelt, truthful stories. When we read the truth written in love, it evokes truth and love within us. And our world needs more truth and love.

You write or draw it: When have you felt guided by truth and love?

Navigating Our World

For the last three weeks I’ve been navigating our world. Reading train schedules. Asking for help. Seeking translation. Seeing new sights. Having new experiences. Eating new food. Meeting new people. Following someone else’s rules. Accepting uncertainty. Deciphering maps.

In other words, as I traveled, I mostly exercised my logical/rational capabilities.

In two meltdowns, I learned that there is a limit to this approach. You might say I “hit the wall.” Not once, but twice.

Now I’m back home. This morning, as the sun rises, the yellow cottonwood trees come alive with the red rocks. My heart responds with love and with the ease of knowing my surroundings and how to live in them.

But when I am in unfamiliar territory, I still haven’t learned how to harness the fear of uncertainty and live through the eye of my heart. Have you? How do you do it?

Next Three Weeks

For the next three weeks my husband and I will be cruising down the Rhine River, followed by some stops in England and France. Not too shabby, as they say. I’ll leave you with a quotation from Teilhard de Chardin that is worth three weeks’ reflection:

“Someday, after we have mastered the winds, the waves, and gravity, mankind will harness for God the energy of love. Then, for the second time in the history of the world, we will have discovered fire.”

For the next three weeks, keep a journal of what happens when you put love into a situation.

Power of Love

Increasingly, I am drawn to the work of Cynthia Bourgeault. Here’s a quotation from her work: “As the heart comes alive as an organ of spiritual perception, we are able to perceive the invisible kingdom of love that surrounds us and live it into being.”

If you want your faith to come alive, read her book Eye of the Heart.

You write or draw it: What have you done recently that made your faith come alive?

All Is Well

Often, I sign off emails and other missives with the closing, “All is well.” I do that mostly to remind myself.

Oh, yes, I can easily find something to worry about or some problem to solve. But truly, in my life, all is well, and I need a constant reminder of that truth. It holds my mind in peace.

You write or draw it: What do you do to remind you to be at peace?

Ease

Quite a few years ago, I realized that what I focus on, gets stronger. I was not, in fact, allowing life to happen to me; rather, I was choosing my own meandering reality. With this realization, I decided to choose peace. I chose detachment from what other people think. I chose forgiveness. I chose love. I drew a circle and wrote inside it all that I wanted to experience. Slowly, my life changed.

This morning, as I watch the horizon redden with sun’s rising, I choose ease.

You write or draw it: What do you choose for your life today?

Uncertainty

“I am content with uncertainty,” I said to the travel agent assisting my husband and me with a Rhine River cruise.

Tomorrow I leave for a visit with my sister, who has recently been diagnosed with liver cancer. We do not yet know the extent of the disease. We’re waiting for a biopsy and results.

I’m living life in a gap of not knowing. so I’ve been relying less on my brain and more on my heart. “Let my presence be love” is my mantra and my prayer.

Next week I’ll be away from my computer, so I’ll post again in two weeks.

You write or draw it: In this moment, how is it with you?

Autumn

Two days ago I arranged my fall decorations—beautiful glass pumpkins, red and yellow leaves. This morning it was too cold on the terrace to sit there. Autumn is here.

There’s something about the changing of the seasons that is sacred, which Emily Dickinson captured in this poem:

These are the days when Birds come back--

A very few--a Bird or two--

To take a backward look.

These are the days when skies resume

The old--old sophistries of June--

A blue and gold mistake.

Oh fraud that cannot cheat the Bee--

Almost thy plausibility

Induces my belief.

Till ranks of seeds their witness bear--

And softly thro' the altered air

Hurries a timid leaf.

Oh Sacrament of summer days,

Oh Last Communion in the Haze--

Permit a child to join.

Thy sacred emblems to partake--

Thy consecrated bread to take

And thine immortal wine!

You write or draw it: What is the changing of seasons to you?

Serenity

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change” is the beginning of the Serenity Prayer.

As I write, a family member is seriously ill, the extent as yet unknown. Another family member is facing legal issues whose outcome won’t be known for awhile. A European trip for my husband and me is in limbo. And yet, this morning the sun’s rays appeared on the horizon, and a new day is here. I agree to accept the things I cannot change.

You write or draw it: How do you stay free from worry and dread?