Allow Grace

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A friend secured for me a time on the agenda of a well respected organization to say a few words about my new book, Simple Serenity. I was honored by the invitation, looking forward to it.

The day came, and I arrived at the meeting place to an empty room. Quickly, I double-checked my email invitation. The meeting had been at 10:00 that morning. It was now 1:00 in the afternoon.

Hurriedly, I emailed my friend and also my host to apologize. Then I just felt bad, and this feeling persisted.

Later in the day, during contemplative prayer, these words came to me: “Allow them to give you grace.”

Peace came over me.

You write or draw it: What do you do when you make a mistake that lets others down?

Love in Different Places

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I just returned from a few days in Texas, where I got to hug my granddaughter on her birthday, as well as hug and be with so many precious Austin friends.

Now I’m back home in Sedona, and I’m still experiencing love in my quiet, beautiful surroundings.

I’ve realized that love begins within me, and I give thanks that—today—I know that.

You write or draw it: Where do you find love?

A Reader Writes

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In last week’s blog, I wrote about having my energy depleted from travel and bad news. I asked what you do when you feel your energy start to wane. One of my favorite readers and dear friend, Lindy Segall, offered this advice, which I am passing on. Today, have an energetic day!

Lindy recalls from his Boy Scout days, “We learned to hydrate well the night before a hard, hot hike. If not, by the time thirst hit the next day...it was too late. Already DEhydrated. The message? Self care can be a daily ritual, gives us that ‘extra reserve’ we sometimes need when the rough days hit as yours did.

“The other from flying experience. When traveling cross country, smart pilots never ‘leave gas on the ground.’ They always top off the fuel tanks at every stop. The possibility of unexpected ‘rough weather’ popping up enroute to the next destination is always present. Again, the idea of proactive self care makes good sense!”

You write or draw it: What daily ritual do you follow to keep your energy reserve high?

Austin Launch of Simple Serenity

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Austin Friends: Nancy Oelklaus invites you to help launch her newest book, Simple Serenity, 

with cover artist Ash Almonte

2:00 p.m. Friday, April 29, 2022
Renaissance Austin Hotel
Guadalupe Room
9721 Arboretum Blvd.
Austin, TX

Harlan and I hope you’ll be there to help us celebrate!!

What people say about this book:

"With poetry, stories from real life, and questions, this book offers a chance for a new view of life. Highly recommend." Carolyn Wilhelm, Midwest Book Review 

“Everything within [Simple Serenity] is the wisdom of the ages, and everything within it has been demonstrated as effective through research on positive psychology. I don’t know if a stronger endorsement is possible.” Bob Rich, Ph. D. Psychologist, Australia

Simple Gratitude

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I’ve had a few rough days: hearing unwelcome news of a loved one’s illness, being witness to unkind words, and Harlan’s debilitating back pain. Also, I’m physically tired from traveling.

This morning I made a decision to simply practice the basics of gratitude. I’m grateful for breathing—for a night’s rest—for coffee, for my health, for the love of family and friends—for a big, happy smile on the face of my friend.

Simple gratitude. Always the place of beginning.

What we focus on, gets stronger.

You write or draw it: What do you do when you feel your energy going low?

Life Is Good

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While Harlan and I were away last week, the iris started blooming, the bush I don’t know the name of burst into tiny purple flowers, and another peony popped out of the ground, making a total of seven.

As I sit here this morning in my warm bed, the sun diffuses light over the hills and through the trees. A gambel quail sits on the fence. Our precious white puppy is asleep on my lap.

Life is good, and all is well.

You write or draw it: What makes life good for you?

A Weathered Little Stone

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At a friend’s suggestion, I’m reading The Book of Forgiving by Desmond and Mpho Tutu. I’m also doing the work the authors recommend. One of those recommendations is to get a stone—one that “appeals to you on some level.”

Well, the stone I chose was rounded in an odd way, battered, pock marked, and chiseled. That’s how many times I’ve tried to pick at and fix the old wrong it represents. The designs created by all that effort are misshapen and ugly. When I realized the symbolism of the stone, I laughed out loud.

Just for today, I’ve decided to give that old stone a rest.

You write or draw it: Are you carrying an old stone like mine? What will you do with it?

Let Wrong Be Wrong

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I awakened this morning with the memory of an old wrong and fantacizing ways to fix it. I even journaled the next solution I had come up with, making written plans.

Then, while washing my hair, words came to me—Let wrong be wrong. In other words, leave it to God.

Another phrase we use in recovery groups is “Let go and let God.” But somehow “Let wrong be wrong” satisfies my soul. It fits not only my personal hurt but also the big hurts, like the war in Ukraine.

Let wrong be wrong, and let God handle it. Be free to enjoy life.

You write or draw it: What do you do when an old hurt or wrong persists in your mind?

Learning from Colt

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Harlan and I have a new Bichon Frise puppy. His name is Colt, and he has a lot to learn. So do I. This morning I watched a dog training video that was a revelation to me. Like most puppies, Colt jumps up, scratching furniture and my legs. I have been saying, “Down,” to which he would momentarily get down. Then I would say, “Good boy,” and he would jump up again.

The video advised to let stern be stern and skip the “Good boy.” It said that when I say, “Good boy,” I’m really teaching him that, if he jumps up, he will eventually get my approval. Ever since I learned this, I have let stern be stern. I simply say, “Stay down.” Amazingly, it’s working.

A passage in Matthew says, “Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Anything beyond this is evil.”

You write or draw it: How much energy have you wasted trying to take care of others’ feelings when all you really need to say is NO?

How Do You Wish You Had Been Loved as a Kid?

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Here’s a good question for you on Valentine’s Day, from Brittany Long Olsen for the Washington Post: “How do you wish you had been loved as a kid?” As a way of healing childhood wounds, Olsen suggests having this conversation with a partner so that each may help the other heal.

I would go a step beyond and suggest that, once the question has been answered, you make a commitment to give that love to yourself and others—not depend on someone else to do it for you.

My answer is that I wish my accomplishments had been acknowledged rather than diminished.

You write it: What is your answer to the question?

Be Gentle with Yourself

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“With all the spiritual and recovery work I have done, I should be able to glide right through this.” These are the words that have been subconsciously with me as I am transitioning into life without my sister. But grief lives in the emotional system and cannot be ignored. Recently it simply “caught up with me.” After a day of misery, I realized I was being harsh with myself, taking a “get over it” stance with my inner being.

My mother had a poem hanging on the wall of her home entitled “Desiderata.” A portion of it says: “Be gentle with yourself.” Those words came to mind as I realized the different way I needed to talk to myself. Today my words are gentle.

You write it: In what way do you need to be more gentle with yourself?

Finding Serenity with Money

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Running out of money is a major fear for many. The topic of my last conversation with Mother was focused on her fear of running out of money, which she never did but always focused on. Just the other day I heard the same fear expressed from a recent retiree who has done an excellent job of managing money.

I advise people plagued by money fear to face it. Write the story of what you would do if you actually did run out of money. Explore your options. Then make a decision, one day at a time, about what you will do with your money.

Years ago, my husband and I confronted this issue together. In the audio entitled “Reconciliation,” listen to the solution we found. http://nancyoelklaus.com/audio-tools

You write or draw it: How have you made peace with money?

Heart Meditation

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The spiritual path isn’t straight, I’ve learned. But I was surprised recently by my response to my sister’s death. I felt as if I didn’t even have a spiritual path. Knowing full well that this life is not the end, still I grieved. I began to wonder if I would ever find my way back to the peace I had known before.

Then I realized I needed meditation. I went back to the beginning, when I found the kind power in my heart through the heart meditation. I began to get better. Here it is, in case you’d like to try it: http://nancyoelklaus.com/audio-tools

This morning I read a post by my friend, author and psychologist Jan Ford Mustin, about the power of love. So today I plan to spend more time in my heart.

You write or draw it: What do you do when you find yourself wandering?

Grief

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A few days ago my younger sister died, and I’m observing my emotions as I navigate this new grief. First, disbelief. Even though I knew she would—wanted to—die, I just couldn’t believe it. I bounced from gratitude for our relationship to anger that her life ended too soon. When tears came, I let them.

Yesterday I awakened with the Beatles’ song “Let It Be” running through my head. Comfort came, bringing a new energy. I threw that energy into cooking. I made my husband’s favorite chicken dish. My mother’s apple celery salad. Lemon pound cake, an old family recipe from a friend.

I do not know what today will bring. I am sad. I let it be.

You write it: How do you express grief?