Everything I Need

Quite a few years ago I hired a style consultant. First she interviewed me about my activities, which subsequently determined my wardrobe. Then we went to my closet to see how well it matched my life. After she left, I took three large leaf bags full of work clothes to donate—a visible symbol of how obsessed with work I was at the time.

Then she took me shopping to fill the gaps—something fun, something dressy, something sporty/relaxing.

A few months later, I called her because my stepson’s wedding was approaching, and I thought I needed new clothing. So I called the style consultant to take me shopping.

Instead, she said, “Everything you need is hanging in your closet.” Then she named what I should wear to each separate event.

Hiring her is one of my best investments. Her teaching extends far beyond my wardrobe into every area of my life. Everything I need is right here. Right now.

Do What's Right for You

“Now tell me again why you are selling your car that you claim to love?” This question from a friend made me realize I was about to do something that wasn’t right for me.

Quite a few years ago someone taught me to surround myself with what I love—to save until I could afford what I truly wanted—to eliminate everything from my environment and my wardrobe that did not bring me joy.

I am always amazed by the buoyant feeling I have when I am surrounded by what I love. I decided to keep the car I love. My stepson wanted to buy his dad’s car. It was an effortless transaction. When it feels effortless, it’s usually right.

You write or draw it: Are you surrounded by what you love? What needs to go? What needs to come in?

FULFILLED

In meditation this morning, a word came to me. Fulfilled.

In mourning the unexpected death of my husband, I have been saying to myself, “Gone too soon.” Those words, full of resentment, perpetuate my grief and steal my energy to live my best life.

My husband’s life had been fulfilled. He had done everything he wanted to do. He had made a positive difference for other people. Two months before he died, he wrote a most beautiful message to me that said, in different words, “I am fulfilled.”

Therefore, I am content.

This Could Be the Last Snow of the Year

This could be the last snow of the year,

So I sit here to savor it.

Snow from branches falls in clumps

As sun so slowly warms it.

This could be the last snow of the year,

So I sit here to savor it.

You write it: What are you savoring today?

Managing Grief

For two and a half months I’ve been away from this blog, grieving my husband’s sudden, unexpected death. Only now am I ready to share what’s working for me as I step into my new reality. I share these ways that have brought me through difficult days and that I trust will carry me forward.

1. Express gratitude. For even the most basic things. Like running water. Oxygen. Blue sky.

2. Make a list, but don’t let it take charge. Let the items on the list “float” and do them when the timing seems right. Always be open for spontaneity and changing the list. Make progress. Keep moving forward.

3. Plan something to look forward to that involves being with people I love.

4. Pour love into everything.

5. Be open to spirit. Messages may come from beyond. Recognize and embrace them.

6. Meditate daily.

Gratitude and love are stronger than grief. The grief is still here, like an underground river. While it’s flowing and healing what needs to be healed, I keep my focus on gratitude for 26+ years of marriage and amazing experiences with a good man whom I deeply loved. I’m also grateful for this chair I’m sitting on right now.

Presence

Most of us have heard the admonition to “be in the moment.” What in the world does that mean? In twelve-step recovery groups, I’ve heard it said like this, “Be where your feet are.” I’m going through a major life change right now, and this morning, when I said to myself, “Be where your feet are,” it helped. That’s all I know.

You write or draw it: What keeps you in the moment and away from imaginings?

Love Is Eternal

Tuesdays with Morrie is a book, then movie, about a disillusioned young man who visits his former professor, Morrie, every Tuesday and observes his gradual decline from ALS. In his wisdom, Morrie teaches his embittered protege about life, love, forgiveness. A line in the movie stands out in my mind. The student screams at his teacher, “All right! I love you. But what good does it do? You’re just going to die!!”

Morrie replied, “You’re right. I am going to die. But after I die, you will still love me.”

As I make my way through the grief of my husband’s death, I am so full of love for him that it is carrying me through his loss. I know his love for me and my love for him will always be with us. It is enough.

You write or draw it: Have you experienced love that is more powerful than grief?

Gratitude Is Stronger Than Grief

On Thursday, October 6, my husband Harlan died after suffering an aneurism. Unexpected and sudden. My heart was broken.

I’ve reeled through the days of receiving fellow mourners and their bountiful gifts, of planning his memorial service and spreading his ashes, of all the activity of being with our family. Yesterday was my first day alone.

I decided to start the day with gratitude. Gratitude for toothpaste, for my dog Colt, for my bed, for food, for a beautiful day, for friends, for trees—well, you get the picture. I kept naming what I’m grateful for throughout the day. At the end of the day, as I was sitting on my terrace having a cup of tea, a rainbow subtly appeared over my right shoulder. It turned out to be a precursor. Within the next few minutes, the most splendid rainbow I’ve ever seen appeared right in front of me!

What I learned yesterday is that gratitude is stronger than grief.

Autumn

Autumn has arrived in Sedona. To my heart comes the comforting peace of knowing that nature is doing what nature does. I am an observer and appreciator of what is.

Right Here Right Now

Like so many other people, I was up in the very early morning to watch the Queen’s funeral. After a couple of hours of it, I felt as if I lived in that world of majesty and splendor..

Fortunately, it was my morning to lead meditation at Village Yoga, and as I did so, I felt my authentic energy coming back into my body. By the end of the meditation, the clear message to me was, “Right here. Right now.”

We are so prone, aren’t we, to spin off into someone else’s world? I’m grateful today to be right here. Right now.

You write it: Do you ever find yourself living in someone else’s world? What do you do?

Goodbye

My neighbor has moved away to a distant city where her husband can get better medical care. I have been so very sad.

She and I connected during the pandemic when she bought groceries for me. I returned the favor. One afternoon when Harlan and I were unexpectedly delayed, she came into our home to feed our dog, Colt. She was that kind of neighbor. Generous and trusting and trustworthy.

She gave me pomegranates from her tree, and together we planted wildflower seeds in the cul-de-sac we shared. I miss her presence already.

This morning in meditation, the word “goodbye” came to my mind. But this time it was different. Instead of being “goodBYE,” the emphasis changed to “GOODbye.” I focused on the good and realized the relationship is complete. Her time here in the Village at the end of the cul-de-sac is complete. With this realization, I am able to release and let go.

You write or draw it: Is there anything you need to let go?

Circle

Over the years, when it comes to setting boundaries, I have used the circle. Inside the circle I write what I want in a relationship or experience. Outside the circle, I write what I do not want. Eventually, I cut that part away.

The circle tool works for relationships, for meetings, for projects, for everything I need to accomplish. It also works for life in general. It answers the question, “What is the life experience I want?” It’s a discipline for me, not anyone else.

Sometimes I draw a circle for an event. When the event is over, I discard the circle. And sometimes I draw a circle for a life experience I want to change. Then I might carry the circle with me, in my wallet, and look at it from time to time, until it has come to fruition.

You write or draw it: Think of a concern. Draw a circle. Inside the circle, write what you want to experience. Outside, write what you do not want. Keep it with you or put it in a box.

Equanimity

“What other people think of me is none of my business” is a slogan I learned in Al-Anon, the 12-step recovery program for families and friends of alcoholics that I have worked for 22 years.

Recently a friend texted me an apology for offending me. I had no idea what she was talking about. Maybe she intended some offense?

When we finally spoke, I simply said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t give anyone that kind of power over me.”

I spoke the truth, and I thank God for Al-Anon.

You write or draw it: How free are you from what other people think?

An Image of Joy

This morning’s meditation focused on joy. After I read a story about joy from Simple Serenity, I closed my eyes, breathing deeply, for a 15-minute silent meditation. An image immediately popped into my mind of a bubble light, the kind you put on a Christmas tree. Then I saw a Christmas tree full of bubble lights. Finally, a single light entered my chest at my sternum.

You write or draw it: What is your image for joy today?

Meditation

“Meditation is a practice in which an individual uses a technique—such as mindfulness, or focusing the mind on a particular object, thought, or activity—to train attention and awareness and achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm and stable state.” (Wikipedia)

Every Monday morning at 8:00 I lead a meditation at Village Yoga in the Village of Oak Creek for members of Village Yoga and drop-ins, both local and tourists.

My technique is simple: We begin by getting in touch with our hearts and meditating on the energy of the heart. Then I read one of the passages from my newest book, Simple Serenity. Today we focus on the word “savor,” giving attention to the positive aspects of an experience—any experience.

Wherever you are, will you join us in spirit today to savor?

Write a letter

By the substance and demeanor of the January 6 committee, my heart has been lifted. To hear, under oath, people speak the truth has fed my hungry soul. My gratitude led me to write a letter to each committee member and send it through the U.S. Mail. Old-fashioned, maybe, but very satisfying.

When I discussed my action with a friend, our conversation veered to the staffers who are doing the deep work of this committee, namelessly and tirelessly serving. I went right home and wrote a letter to the collective staff. Here’s an excerpt from that letter: “I’m writing to thank you for the essential work you are doing to promote truth, integrity, and restoration of American values and respect for law. You may be invisible, but you are mighty.”

Consider something happening in the news cycle that you are grateful for. Next step, write a letter or email or text to say, “Thank you” and thus break the cycle of complaining about what you don’t like while, more importantly, reinforcing what you like.

Try This Intention

I am open for all the love that is here for me today.

Try this intention at the beginning of the day, and let me know what happens.

Viktor Frankl, noted psychiatrist and survivor of a Nazi prison camp, wrote this: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

For me, the Al-Anon program has been a powerful teacher of this truth. The Twelve Steps, slogans, and success stories over the last 22 years have enabled me to live a life of serenity today.

Often, women ask me to be their “sponsor”; that is, teach them what I’ve learned so that they, too, may find serenity. Some of them do the hard work and reap the reward of a happy life. Others simply don’t make the effort. They want life to be what they want it to be, and they want it to be easy.

You write or draw it: What efforts have you made to live the life you truly want?

Reflections on Independence Day

On this Independence Day 2022, I have just finished reading The German Wife by Kelly Rimmer. This brook brought home to me how vulnerable we humans—all of us—are to propaganda and pressure.

On this day when we celebrate freedom, may we renew our quest for truth. And may we commit to acceptance of others, kindness, and grace.

Breaking an Addiction

Sometimes described as “sort of like chess,” Othello is a game of strategy that I have been playing compulsively—then obsessively—then addictively—on my phone. In any lull, I reached for my phone and got in a quick game. I rationalized that I wasn’t hurting anyone, so it was okay.

Then one afternoon, evening, and into the night, piercing pain in my hand from repetitive motion let me know who I was hurting. Me. Some CBD cream finally eased the pain.

Othello is in my past. Now that I’m free to live more fully in the moment, if I need a diversion, I read a book or work a wooden puzzle or weed the flower garden or play fetch with Colt. The possibilities are endless, and all is well.

You write or draw it: Do you have any addictive habits? Tell the story.